Jiwang

Talk about being in a stupid mood suddenly. I'm currently lying on the bed not being able to sleep. Why? Cos I just had a good stupid tearing up after listening to Peter Gabriel's book of love, while having flashbacks of my mum, dad and sister helping me out when I was sick, I'll and god knows other situations. Also flashbacks of trips use had last time... How lame... It would sound lamer as I'm in this sudden moods more easily eversince I had my check up from IJN.

Doctor there did not give news on my condition. In fact, it was bad. I'm towards the end of my terminal disease, with no apparent solution. Oh well, kind knew it somehow. Maybe that contributed to me being nonchalant towards it. My family didn't take it well though. Heard my mum crying her heart out when she first heard about it (only me and my dad went to IJN that day). My sis was slightly better. Well, we still try to make do with what we are going through now. Yet, somehow it seems to me that it's different now. Whatever they do for me, it seems rushed somehow....

I for one am feeling up n down more than usual. Not many know it, only a few colleagues, a best friend, and of course hose who is reading this... I know it feels like I'm fishing for sympathy, but I seem to fall at any slight sentimentality. Yet I can't show that to my family. If I can't stand strong for them, who else?
Hence I'm jotting here... In a way it's a relief, cos I know where to let go of my aargh about this. On other hand, it looks as if I'm trying to start a self tragedy show....