Singularity

Now i know why people need to have their other half. After all this. It's easy. So u can talk about ur distress, feelings and uncertainties with them.
I, being single till now didn't give me that feeling...until now. I dono why, but throughout this entire week, I was aching to tell someone, anyone i know about how I am feeling.
But let's face it. Even I myself don know what I'm going through.

ANGER,HAPPINESS, SAD, DETACHMENT,all these just cycled through me at a goddamn fast rate like some enhanced PMS, that basically drains me. Thought it was just pure melodramatism, overly dramatic about it. But now, after lying on the bed for some time, I realized that I do need someone to talk to.
BUT HELL it ain't gonna be the ones I talked to past week, whether through phone, meets nor any other means.

Why? cos one, they caused it. And two, they won't understand. I my as well talk to the wall for all the same purpose.
And that's why I writing this down again, early in the morning where I could sleep soundly, maybe even with a dream or two on a cool night.
But noooooooo, I had to be high strung over it, thinking over the whole episodes and charades that went through throughout the past week.

One: I feel used.
TWO: I am an idiot for willingly to being used.
3: I can't believe I was so immature about it.
Four: IDIOT for not seeing it, and putting my whole goddamn leg into the messy coffin I built for myself.
5: Still wanting to go along with it even after noticing it.PURE RETARDEDNESS
6: Not being able to work well due to it.

tHese are the 6 things I noticed the whole week, tried to rid myself of it.
Managed to do it this morning during my work time till evening,
then 7 came in - being involved in it again.
PURE FUCKING GENIUS OF ME TO DO THAT.
MUST SHOOT MYSELF FOR BEING RETARDED.
And to think, i call a certain someone retard all the time, when i'm the biggest one of all.

GODS. I feel like i wanna scream myself hoarse till my throat dries up and i cough to death.
Or maybe get a heart attack now and begone with it.
WHY?
COS I FEEL LIKE A BIG JERK AND LOSER.
Can't believe I TEACH as a living.

SLEEP FOREVER is what i wanna do now. Maybe catch a bit of chtulhu's insane dream, so i'd be insane too.

P/s: bolding the words to remind me how much mistake i made, if i survie this and read it again.